When these guys get to the pearly gates and explain how they lived their lives, and what they achieved, and they sort of shuffle their feet, look down and mutter something about about a big trance barn dance tune, we wouldn’t want to be there.įor fuck’s sake, really? As if this piece of sub-Crazy Frog, lazy-ass, cynical, turgid, brain-numbing dross wasn’t enough of a boil on the anus of the music industry, to slap together this kind of shitty animated half-baked sci-fi as a visual accompaniement is really taking the piss. Of course, 1994 was a care home for all manner of ill-advised popstrosities, but Swedish bell-ends Rednex can probably claim the retrospective crown for that era’s nadir. Get back to singing about panties, big boy. 3) The worst, thing, though, is just how underwhelming the actual track is. Let’s just get this vid’s crimes down to a top three shall we? 1) First, there’s the rampant egotism that sees Sisqo set himself up as a global hero playing to the masses 2) Then there’s the completely fake marauding dragon that interrupts the track (not that we were enjoying it anyway) for far too long. They had a good innings, and this was them way, way past their prime. This swansong to a largely forgettable track about something we can’t remember saw the girls in their JJB finest getting vaguely friendly with some rent-a-crunkers and demolish a cheap drum kit somewhere in the CD:UK studio.
Hard to believe this is made it passed the censors.Īs with most pop acts, All Saints signed out with a whimper rather than a bang, as the final drops of anything that might have been special dribbled out of them. Two people that are way old enough to know better re-enact their youth in a skate park while a succession of losers fall off their wheels like a particularly tiresome re-enactment of Dogtown and ZZZ Boys. By all means make bizarre promos to get our attention if you can’t be arsed to make a proper track, but this is just all kinds of no. Whatever kind of mind conceived this sub-Plastic Little carnival of face crotch weirdness needs to be locked up a lot of miles away from us thank you very much. But this is just the wrong kind of wrong. And we love a bit of surrealism in our music vids. But then again, what would you expect from Steel Panther?ĭon’t get us wrong, we’re fans of NSFW.
Good luck getting the image of the bloke in a leopard-print skin-tight dress out of your mind. Well, at least the video sort of distracts us from how awful the lyrics are. Who doesn’t want to see a pink-haired Justin Hawkins’ pixellated naked bum, or close-ups of those weird faces he makes when he sings?Ĥ1 Steel Panther – ‘Fat Girl (Thar She Blows)’ Was it all a dream? Dear god we hope so.Ĥ2 The Darkness – ‘I Believe In A Thing Called Love’ Then it all ends with a girl asleep in bed. But it just gets weirder, when the keyboard’s attached to a wall and the guitar’s missing a piece. They went a bit camera-angle crazy with it, flickering from one woman’s ass-shot to another, to a world where instruments don’t exist and the band simply play air. This was the first video the band ever shot a music video for, so we’ll excuse them a little bit for this cinematic atrocity. And doesn’t George look so dreamy, hugging himself against a smoke-filled backdrop, wearing neon yellow fingerless gloves? We love you George, but this wasn’t good.Ĥ3 Journey – ‘Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)’ But wait, it gets better – the black light comes out and the band begin to glow. Sadly, the brightly-coloured short-shorts are a bit much. Really, we can’t imagine why your career ever ended…įilmed at what is now Camden’s KOKO venue, we see the Wham! crew dancing around in “Go-Go” and “Choose Life” tee-shirts. But at least you come across as a nice guy at the end, dancing around with a kid (who looks scares shitless) on your shoulders. We know you’re trying to look “street”, writing your name on walls in spraypaint and dancing around under a bridge or something with your “crew” (some of them look like cater-waiters doing the conga), but you really just look like an idiot. That, or sit through eight and a half minutes of an extended remix version. Sadly, the original appears to have been banned from YouTube, so you’re gonna have to do a bit of digging if you want to watch it. But if you’re really hating yourself today, then watch the stalker-advocating promo. No one should ever have to see two guys (wearing those awful shoulder-padded blazers) dance like this. 46 Milli Vanilli – ‘Girl You Know It’s True’
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